CAT machine at Karolinska Hospital, Stockholm Sweden
November is always a very special month for me.
It is the halfway boundary of my year that allows time for reflection and gratitude.
For the last 15 years, I have been doing CAT scans of my lungs to check for tiny metastasis. Your lungs are very vascular organs, and if cancer is swimming around in your body, they typically show up here. The frequency has shifted, and the last few years are now every six months. November and June.
The stress around these has been considerable, not only for myself but also for my family. However, I now have accepted this as a part of my life as a cancer survivor.
Some years ago, I read the book Regrets of the Dying by Bonnie Ware. Bonnie has spent a lot of time with persons at the end of their lives and compiled some stories and consistent themes she heard during these discussions.
Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
It is vital to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way.
2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices, it is possible not to need the income that you think you do.
3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppress their feelings to keep peace with others.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits.
These regrets stuck with me (especially the notable lack of ego), and I try to design my life around them as much as possible.
I now divide the year into two chunks and focus on these independently.
That is not to say I don't make long-term plans, and I tend to 'hold them loosely'. However, these interruptions remind me that time is finite, and I have learned to let go of the futile attempt to 'get everything done'.
You're never going to get that.
In exchange for this, it gives me the chance to focus on my finite time. I have the opportunity to reflect on my purpose and values and construct ways to integrate them into my life. I refer to the five regrets above as a guide. I wouldn't want to wish this situation on anyone else, but I consider this opportunity as a gift.
As November comes to a close and that invitation for my appointment drops through the letterbox (yes, they still send physical letters), I get to ask myself - is this really what I want to be doing?
Even if the answer has not always been a hearty 'yes' it gives me time to acknowledge that and the opportunity to make a change that can lead me back to the right path.
I am confident that my test results will be negative (cliff hanger: will mention the results in next months newsletter) and want to leave a challenge to all of you:
Sit comfortably and close your eyes and reflect on the five regrets above.
'How could you create a regret-free life and what could that look like?'
If you feel up for it, write to me and let me know.